


The Need Seeps In

by FullOnLarrie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-06 14:26:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13413195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullOnLarrie/pseuds/FullOnLarrie
Summary: Feeling #189: The jealousy of strangers holding hands.A day in the life of Louis and Harry who've been together for more than a decade and have four children together.





	The Need Seeps In

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written as part of an ongoing challenge using the book _1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names_ for our prompts. To read the other fics written in this challenge, [click here](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/ShortFic_Challenge_For_Which_There_Is_No_Name/works). You can find more information on the challenge here and to reblog the masterpost on tumblr, you can [click here](https://1000feelingsfics.tumblr.com/post/169671855207/feelings-fics-1-1000-with-the-book-1000).
> 
>  
> 
> **If you’d like to translate any of my fics, feel free, but please post the translation on ao3, and send me a link so that I can include it in the author’s notes.**
> 
> **Please do not post this fic or any of my other fics on any other websites.**

“Babe, can you…” Harry yawns and gestures over his shoulder, then turns around so Louis can help him settle their two-year-old into the backpack carrier. He’s so tired all the time. The last six months, since they brought the twins home, have blurred together into one continuous sleepless night, and Harry isn’t actually sure when he last showered. 

While he waits for Louis to make sure that Madeleine is comfortable, Harry carefully adjusts the sunshade of their stroller to make sure that the bright light isn’t shining onto the faces of their sleeping infant twins, and pointedly ignores the spots of dried formula he just caught sight of on his black t-shirt.

Louis is quietly muttering, partly to himself and partly to Madeleine as he tightens the straps, then he raises his voice slightly. “All set. Let’s go, Jack.”

Harry turns and watches as Louis settles their three-year-old son onto his shoulders for the short trek through the parking lot, then he double checks that he has everything: keys, wallet, diaper bag, sippy cups of water for Jack and Madeleine, pacifiers for the twins in case they wake up before they finish shopping… 

“Thanks for doing this with me, Lou,” Harry says as he squints against the glare and pushes the double stroller towards the entrance of the grocery store.

Jack giggles uncontrollably and Harry looks over to see Louis jostling him where he sits on his shoulders, making him think he’s going to fall and then pulling him back up. Louis scrunches his nose and wiggles it, then turns toward Harry who reaches over and pushes Louis’ glasses back up the bridge of his nose for him. “You don’t have to thank me. It’s like an adventure with these monkeys. I could do this myself though, if you wanted to stay home with them. Or you could come by yourself, you know.”

“Yeah…” Harry doesn’t quite know how to explain that a family trip to the grocery store is almost like a date these days. It’s the only time since the twins were born that he and Louis get to be together outside of the house. It seems ridiculous, so he doesn’t want to say it out loud. 

Lately he just feels so lonely. It’s a stupid way to feel when he’s actually never alone, but still. He put his professional life on hold as soon as they found out they were adopting the twins, spending the few months before they were born readying their house and himself and their older kids for the new additions. He’s fairly certain that in the last six months, he’s only been alone once, and that was when he had to go to the dentist. 

He misses his husband. Which, again, feels like a stupid thing to think when he’s literally right there next to him. Doesn’t make it untrue though. They’re both so exhausted all the time, neither of them are sleeping much at all, not with two babies waking up to eat at least once during the night. 

They haven’t been able to have a night out since the twins were born. No one, not even their parents or siblings, are willing to watch two colicky babies, a toddler, and a preschooler. They also haven’t had sex in months—Harry actually refuses to count how long it’s been because it’s depressing enough without putting a number to it, and he feels responsible. 

It’s just that he’s being touched _all the time._ He’s almost constantly holding one or both of the twins—feeding them, rocking them, soothing them... And when he isn’t holding a baby, and sometimes when he is, Jack and Madeleine are in his lap for reading, cuddling, when they’re hurt or tired, and just about any other time that they want to be. His body doesn’t feel like his own anymore. By the time Louis gets home from work most days, Harry’s almost torn in half with how much he’s missed him and how much he wants to hand off the default parent baton and lock himself in the bathroom for twelve hours.

Harry rocks the stroller back and forth and bounces a little on his toes to keep Madeleine happy while Louis buckles Jack into the grocery cart, then they walk into the store, apologizing to the young couple who have to stand out of the way to let Harry pass with the double stroller. He smiles at them and sighs quietly to himself at the sight of their linked hands. 

He misses that and recognizes the oddness in his stomach at the sight as jealousy.

His mom calls this a season of his life. The first time she said it when Jack was an infant and Harry thought he was going insane from lack of sleep, he laughed, but he thinks he gets it now. He’ll blink and the twins won’t be babies anymore, Jack and Madeleine will be in school, and he’ll hardly remember this.

Louis parks the grocery cart beside the bananas and while he checks the list on his phone, Harry pushes the stroller up next to him, leans over and kisses his cheek, lingering for a second to inhale the scent of his aftershave. 

“What was that for?” Louis asks and turns to look at him, then lifts his hand to brush a stray curl off of Harry’s forehead and Harry shrugs. 

“Just love you. That’s all. Miss you.”

“Love you too, baby.” Louis continues to stare at him for a moment, but then one of the twins makes a noise and Harry has to push the stroller down the aisle and back to get her to sleep again. 

They manage to get everything on their list, plus a bottle of wine that Louis put in the cart when Harry wasn’t looking, but the twins both wake up as they’re transferring them into the minivan, so Harry rides squished between Madeleine and Jack’s car seats, leaning forward and attempting to soothe the twins while Louis drives them home. 

By the time they pull into their garage, Louis’ shoulders are hunched up with tension, both twins are crying, Madeleine and Jack are cranky and ready for a nap, and Harry has a headache. 

Together, they work to get all four kids inside the house and with each of them holding and feeding one twin, they get the older two ready for a nap. Once the twins are full and changed and asleep again, they flop down onto opposite ends of the couch and Harry is in the midst of nodding off when Louis jumps up off the couch.

“Groceries,” Harry mutters and follows behind Louis. 

It’s rare that all four of their kids are asleep at the same time. It seems like almost every day, at least one of them refuses to nap or wakes up a few minutes after falling asleep, but when they’ve finished putting away their groceries and there hasn’t been a noise from any of the monitor speakers, Louis takes Harry’s hand in his and pulls him down the hall toward their bedroom.

Harry fights against the part of him that wants to snatch his hand away from Louis and instead trails along behind him, stifling yet another yawn. He’s not sure what Louis wants to do, and he feels horrible for it, but he hopes Louis isn’t expecting sex. Rather than lead Harry to their bed, Louis walks him into their bathroom and lets go of his hand.

While Louis fills their bathtub, fishing rubber ducks and dinosaurs out, and lights some candles, Harry watches him. They’ve been together for more than a decade and he’s not sure why it still surprises him how well Louis knows him. Harry strips out of his dirty clothes and drops them to the floor, not even bothering to put them in the hamper, then climbs into the tub to let the warm water rise around him. 

There’s a sharp pang of disappointment when Louis leaves the room and shuts the door without saying anything. Harry can feel the wrinkle between his eyebrows when he scowls unintentionally, so he forces his face to relax somewhat, leans his head back and stretches out his legs. He could fall asleep in here easily, though that’s probably a bad idea.

The door cracks open and Louis slips back inside with a baby monitor in one hand and something else in the other hand. He sets the monitor on the counter beside the sink and asks, “Can I join you?”

Harry nods and sits forward so there’s room for Louis to climb in behind him, which he does, and when Harry leans back against his chest, he sees that what Louis held in his other hand was a new bath bomb. It fizzes when he lets it sink beneath the water and it tickles as it rolls down Harry’s stomach. He pushes it to the other end of the tub and relaxes against Louis. 

“Thank you,” Harry murmurs and grabs for Louis’ hands, pulling them across his chest so that Louis is holding him tighter.

Louis kisses the back of Harry’s head and hums. “Was thinking…” He pauses for a few seconds before continuing, “I think that, if we ask your mom to keep Maddie and Jack, and ask my mom to keep the babies, we can have a date tonight.”

Harry blinks a few times, thinking it over, because he instantly wants to say no, simply for the fact that it’s easier, but he takes a deep breath and nods. “Do you think they’ll do it?”

“Yeah, I do. Mom’s offered a few times, but your mom’s been too busy. Pretty sure they’re both free tonight.”

Harry turns a bit in his arms, just enough to catch his eye. “Have you been planning this?”

“Maybe.”

It’s an uncomfortable angle and with the way that he’s slipped down into the water he can only reach Louis’ chin, but he presses a quick kiss there anyway before he asks, “Where are you taking me?”

Louis releases Harry’s hands and grabs for the empty plastic cup they use to rinse the babies, fills it, and gently pours the water over Harry’s hair. “You alright with it being a surprise?”

“Yeah.” Harry closes his eyes and lets Louis wash his hair. It feels like it’s been years since they’ve done this, and it’s possible that it has, so he lets himself enjoy it. When his hair is rinsed free of bubbles, Harry carefully turns around and climbs into Louis’ lap, straddling his thighs and kissing him softly. There’s no intention behind it, he just wants to feel close to Louis and he’s so grateful that his husband understands without Harry having to explain. They kiss slowly, Louis’ hands sliding up and down Harry’s back while Harry trails his fingers along Louis’ arms and shoulders and chest, until a sudden cry comes from the baby monitor and echoes on the ceramic tile. 

Louis towels off quickly and wraps his bathrobe around his still damp body, then hurries out of the room. Harry can hear him cooing through the monitor and he stands there, dripping onto the bath rug, while he listens to his husband interacting with the twins, thinking again how lucky he is to be married to such a wonderful man. 

“Harold, I know you’re listening.” Louis’ voice comes through the monitor loud and clear and Harry sputters, about to defend himself before he realizes that Louis can’t hear him. He shuts off the monitor and pulls on some clean sweatpants before going to help Louis with the babies.

The rest of the day goes smoothly, which is somewhat surprising. Harry always expects for at least one thing to go wrong, but nothing does. He still feels good from his bath and he thinks that maybe he and Louis should try to do that more often. It’d almost be easier to make time for a bath together once a week than to try to schedule sex. 

While Harry cleans up and gets Jack and Madeleine ready to spend the night with his mom, Louis drives the twins over to Jay’s house, and by the time he gets back, the older kids have already left with their grandmother and Harry is standing in their walk-in closet, wearing nothing but his briefs, lost in thought.

“Hey.” Louis stands in the doorway, holding a glass of wine, and Harry can see him reflected in the mirror. He watches as Louis steps closer, then slowly slips one hand around Harry’s waist. His lips brush against Harry’s shoulder as he brings the glass of wine around and places it in Harry’s hand. Harry shakes his head and takes a sip, then closes his eyes. 

“Not sure what I should wear.”

“Whatever you want, baby. Just…” Louis snickers and rests his forehead against the base of Harry’s neck. “You should definitely put on _something.”_

Harry tries to elbow Louis without spilling his wine, but Louis steps back out of his reach. With a forced scowl, Harry stalks closer until Louis backs into the wall and they’re toe-to-toe. He leans in and props himself up with one hand on the wall beside Louis’ head, then dips down to press a quick kiss to Louis’ lips, whispering, “I love you.” 

Louis tells Harry that he made reservations at the new Italian restaurant that Harry’s pointed out every time they’ve driven by it, and when they walk through the parking lot, he reaches over and laces their fingers together, squeezing Harry’s hand before pulling it up to brush a kiss across his knuckles. “I’ve missed this,” Louis says quietly before opening the door and guiding Harry inside.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it, check out [my other fics](http://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&commit=Sort+and+Filter&work_search%5Bsort_column%5D=word_count&work_search%5Bother_tag_names%5D=&work_search%5Bquery%5D=&work_search%5Blanguage_id%5D=&work_search%5Bcomplete%5D=0&user_id=FullOnLarrie).
> 
> Comments and kudos are lovely and [here's a rebloggable post](http://fullonlarrie.tumblr.com/post/170077738050/the-need-seeps-in-by-fullonlarrie-feeling-189) if you'd like to share.


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